downpour of tears…

was weirdly ill last night… a constant feeling of uncontrollable nature’s call but on going to the loo, find that i can only pass out 1 ml of the thing… on top of which, there was this pain on the lower left side of my stomach… i was scared it might be appendicitis or something wrong with my right kidney…
in the process i discovered that all my medicines had expired – i forgot to take the medicine kit home this time and baba could not replenish them… thankfully my roomie had some…
and to top it – i had only Rs 1.76 on my phone balance – thankfully std calls are only Rs 1.50 courtesy airtel prepaid and local calls are 50 paise… so i could atleast give a missed to people i needed to talk to…

in between the infinite trips to the loo without any eventful passage and vomiting twice and that twisting pain in my stomach, i realised i’ve become invaluable to three people in this world… i used to be the world to my parents – and still am, but there has been an addition in the last year – he’s says i’m his everything…

i’m unwell – i get stung by an ant, i develop fever or any kind of ache, the first call is to baba… i trust him he’s given me all the medicines to make me well… in the process, i hear ma’s scared and fearful voice… i’m the world to them… i thought i’d cry buckets this time at the airport when leaving home… i didn’t… i fought my tears very hard… the last time i saw my parents was when i was proceeding to the security check – they were outside, waving from the window – tears in their eyes… there were tears in mine too but i was fighting hard to keep them back, waving with a smile… its so hard to leave home…

i think of them – they’re sending me out in the world so that i may have the best of education and life possible… i wonder how the lonely car ride home without their only daughter might seem… and walking into a house that still has traces of her touch all over it… i painted the bathroom and kitchen tiles this time… maybe ma walks into the bathroom and cries on seeing those paintings… maybe she sees me while she’s cooking in the kitchen…

i wonder how they can adjust to the fact that even though i love them so much, i’ve let someone else take an irreplaceable place in my life too… that we trust each other so much so that his mother acknowledges that i can cool him down more than she can when he’s disturbed…

they spent 18 years of their lives bringing up their child only to find that even though they know that their child loves and respects them a lot, everytime they call, they find they are on waiting because she is speaking to someone else… how can they adjust to the fact that for 18 years there were two and a year later, there are 3? and the third is soon gonna overtake their importance in her life…

but maybe they remember their own teenage as well… maybe they understand… that even though she loves this third person, their importance is in no way diminished to her… she still respects them as much as ever…

i wonder what kind of a frame of mind i’m writing this in… i’m only 18… is it weird i can feel my mother’s pain? i don’t know… i’m just writing what i feel…

anyway, what i started off with… i’m invaluable to three people in the world… they are my world…
i want to thank God for the three of them – two loving parents and a love i won’t find in all the time to come… thank you…